Violating the laws of possibility for both fun and profit.

So, I got back into work today from a five day weekend. Only missed three days of work, but as soon as I stepped in the door to my floor, a little part of my soul died.

Know anyone who's hiring at the moment?

I sat down, strapped myself in, and hoped for the best. I mean - how bad could the first issue be? Well...

I just had a customer given our internal number here, and prodded in our direction by an other department who don't have the skills or panache to solve the issue. This fucks me off to no end, 'cause it's the WRONG way to do it, but we're to do it ANYWAY. So, I grit my teeth, roll my eyes, and see just how bad it was.

"So you're saying you're being billed for cellular broadband access at these times?"
"Yes."
"...And you say that they are during times where the handset is not even physically connected to the laptop?"
"Yes."
"And you're absolutely positive of this?"
"Yes, certainly."

...

The way that cellular broadband works is that data traffic is registered against a handset's ESN - which is a unique identifier, much like a MAC address. It's possible to have two handsets with the same cellular number, but not the same ESN. Simply put - the data traffic showing on the account was applied to the customer's ESN - which cannot be hacked. It shows up on the bill, then those bits and bytes went through that handset. QED.

So this customer was assuring me that all these "strange" data charges were being registered by the system at times when the handset was not physically connected or interfaced with the laptop.

"...You know, the way that you've described the situation, and the information I'm seeing here are mutually exclusive. What you've just describe to me is physically impossible."
"I know!"

...

So what was I to do?

"Well then, if that's the case, I'd recommend having the handset serviced or replaced, because there is no way this could happen is everything is working as intend."

Then I sent him on his merry way.

Now, what was the point of all this? What was the moral of the story I just related to you? Well, it's a simple one, and universally constant;

The customer is always lying.

Don't doubt yourself, never second-guess the systems. The customer is just fucking lying. Remember this, and dealing with them is just a little bit easier.